PrussiaxAbused Shy Misfortunate Reader
by jigglysinger
Summary: You were never a lucky girl since your parents died, leaving you at the mercy of your harsh, abusive adoptive parents. However, things seem to take a turn for the better when you meet a boy named Gilbert at your school... ((M rated for having abuse, mild religion, and other adult themes. Don't read if you're of the faint of heart.))
1. Chapter 1

After what felt like an eternity, the hot water is finally turned off. You're scarred body is pulled out of the tub as your mother throws a towel at you.

"Do you feel those burns, daughter?" your mother tells you, "That is only a fraction of the pain you'd feel if you were in Hell right now. And you WILL go there if you're not careful around your age – you're growing up, _. Soon, people will be telling you things you shouldn't know. Boys may want to get you to perform sinful acts. If you do, then God will reign his judgment down on you for sinning against him. Do you understand?"

"Y… Yes, mother," you sniffle, wrapping your burned, scalded body up with a towel.

"Now, dry off and get dressed. Your father will be home soon, and when he gets home, he'll have to further beat the sin out of you…" you let out a small whine, which prompts a hard slap to the face, "Don't you dare start crying! This is for your own good!"

You swallow hard, trying to fight back tears.

* * *

You find yourself walking down the school hallways with a slight limp. Your body was aching horribly from another night of sleeping on the floor. You make your way to your locker, opening it.

"Hey, cutie," you suddenly hear a voice from behind you, "What are you doing?"

You shiver in fear, feeling someone looming over you. You shyly turn your head behind you to look at whoever it was. You recognized the red eyes and white hair anywhere – it was one of the school jocks, Gilbert. "N-Nothing… j-just getting a few books," you shyly answer.

"What's your name?..."

"I… It's…" you only manage to mumble out your name quietly.

"What's that? Can't hear you!"

"M… My name is…" once again, your name only manages to come out as a tiny whisper.

"Didn't get that, Mumbles!"

"It's… _," this time you manage to get out your name clearly, albeit as a high-pitched squeal. Gilbert simply chuckled.

"Wow, you're weird," he said, "Still, you're pretty cute." You shrink as he tussles your hair. You didn't want to be so nervous around people, but you couldn't help it. You let out another small squeak. "You feeling alright?"

"I… I'm fine… just… I…" you couldn't speak what you wanted to, and your eyes kept darting in all directions.

"Relax, I don't bite! … Much!" Gilbert let out another laugh, "But seriously, relax! I ain't gonna hurt ya."

"Y… You're not?..."

"No, what on earth made you think that!?"

"N-Nothing…" You regain your composure, "So… w-what are you doing here?"

"Well, _," Gilbert said, "The Awesome Me would like to take you out on a date tomorrow night. How does dinner and a movie sound?"

A date? He wanted to take you out on a date? Your parents words and warnings echoed through your head. Then again, he did say it would just be dinner and a movie; how bad could it be?

"Um… Sure," you meekly answer.

"Sweet! I'll pick you up at 5, then!"

5 o'clock… your parents would be in church around that time, so you could get out of the house.

"Alright… I-I'll see you then."

* * *

"Who was that boy?"

You froze in place right in front of the front door, facing your parents. You had just gotten home from your date with Gilbert.

"I… It's just someone from school, father," you say, your voice trembling with fear, "He's just a friend."

The only response you got from your father was being shoved back against the door. "_ HAVE YOU BEEN LISTENING AT ALL!?"

"F-Father-" you're interrupted by a hard slap to the face.

"WHO SAID THAT YOU COULD TALK BACK!?"

"N-No one. I just-" another slap.

"What has that boy been doing to you?… ANSWER ME!"

"He hasn't done anything wrong, father... We just had some food and watched a movie together, that's all, I swear!"

"What's going on in here?" your mother walked into the room, "What's happened this time?"

"She was with a boy, Karen," your father told your mother, "A BOY!"

"WHAT!? After we specifically told you that they're not to be trusted!?"

"But-"

"No buts, _!" your mother scolded, "I swear, sometimes I wonder why we adopted you! Charles, take her downstairs!"

"NO! PLEASE NO! I PROMISE NOT TO MISBEHAVE! I'M SORRY!" you scream for forgiveness as your father drags you downstairs…

* * *

"_, snap out of it!" Gilbert's voice called you back to reality. You finally stopped screaming. "Mein Gott, what's wrong with you!?"

"I… I just…" you looked back at ruler Gilbert had raised in his hand, "I just got a little frightened… I'm sorry…"

"You were screaming bloody murder. That sounds more than a little frightened… you feeling alright?"

"I'm fine, it's just… I had a bit of a fight with my parents the other night…"

That was partly true.

"What kind of fight?..."

"It-it's nothing, Gilbert… um, I've got to head to class now." You run out of the room and on your way to class. Gilbert stood still for a few seconds, unsure of what to make of this.

* * *

"O… Our Father… Who art in heaven… Thine ki-"

CRACK! You let out another scream of pain in your back from the sharp ruler. Your arms thrash against the shackles that strung your arms to the ceiling, the rusted metal digging into your skin, casting flickering shadows on the wall against the light of the candles.

"Wrong again!" your mother yelled.

"Start over!" your father said,

"H… Hail Mary, full of grace… the Lord is with The…" you wept, starting the rosary prayers over again for the third time that night. Your back was completely red from several lashings, and starting to cut open and bleed.

"We must do this to get rid of all the sin within you, _. Keep going."

"B-B-Blessed art thou among women… and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus… Holy Mary, Mother of God… Pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death… Amen."

"Very good… now the Our Father."

"Our Father… Who art in heaven…"

"WHAT ZE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE!?" a familiar voice yelled. You raised your head, seeing Gilbert in the lit doorway.

"Gilbert!" you cry out.

"YOU!? How did you get in our house!?" your father shouted, "Leave now or His divine intervention will rain down upon you!"

"You're about to get some divine intervention on your face!" Gilbert clenched his fists, getting in a fighting pose. A part of you wanted to yell and tell Gilbert to run, but you stayed quiet.

Your mother released you from the shackles as Gilbert and your father began to fight. You're dragged upstairs and thrown into your room. Before you could get out, she closes and locks the door from the outside. "No! NO NO NO!" you yell, banging your fist on the door. You had to get out of there and get help. You try pulling at the door, but it was locked tight with a dead bolt. You looked around the room. The house you lived in was ancient; there had to be some way that you could break out. You look around until you notice a large crack in your window.

Taking in a deep breath, you raise a fist and start punching at the window. It hurt horribly, but you knew that this was the only way out. With each punch, the crack got wider and wider, until your fist shatters the window. Your hands were now cut and bloodied, but you could get out. You immediately run over to the neighbor's house and slam your bloody fists against the door.

"HELP! CALL 911! MY FRIEND IS IN TROUBLE!" you yelled. Thankfully your neighbors woke up and called.

Within about an hour, cops were surrounding your house like moths around a flame. Your mother and father were both dragged off in police cars while Gilbert and you were both taken to the hospital. Gilbert was beaten up quite severely at the hands of your giant father, and was rolled in on a stretcher. Your hands and back were both treated for the cuts and bruises, which according to the doctors would heal relatively quickly so long as you had them treated right.

Now you're sitting right beside the injured Gilbert, unsure of what to say or do.

"H… How long…" Gilbert breathed painfully.

"Huh?"

"How long have they been doing that for?... what I saw down there…"

You look down at the floor for a bit. There wasn't really any easy way to explain something like this to anyone. You feel tears well up in your eyes.

"I…" you let out a sigh.

"Don't worry… you can tell me anything, _..."

"O-Okay… I'll tell you…"

When you were young, your parents had died in a fire. You were left homeless until the couple of Charles and Karen begrudgingly took you in. Sadly, they were incredibly abusive, hitting you and depriving you of food whenever you seemed to step out of line in their eyes. As you got older, the abuse got worse, up to torturing you by making you recite the rosary if you broke a large rule in their book. If you couldn't complete a prayer from it, then you were lashed with a ruler and forced to start all the way over again. You didn't even have a proper bed to sleep in most nights when they forced you to sleep on a cold hard-wood floor.

"W… Why couldn't you tell me earlier?..."

"I… I was scared to…"

"_, there's nothing to be scared of…" Gilbert assured you.

"I'm sorry…"

"Hey, it's alright… I guess this sorta explains why you're so nervous all of the time…"

You blush a bit in embarrassment. Suddenly, a doctor comes in.

"Miss… _, is it?"

"Y-Yeah…" you say, "Is something wrong?"

"Well, due to your guardians being put on trial, there's a small matter of where you'll be staying after this…"

"Oh… I…" you didn't really have any family in this town. Where could you stay?

"She's staying with me." Gilbert suddenly spoke.

"Is this true?" The doctor asked.

"Um… i-if that's alright," you answer nervously.

"Alright. Well, you two should get some rest. It's getting late." With that, the doctor left as quietly as he came. You looked down at Gilbert in surprised.

"Y-You didn't have to do that, you know…"

"I wanted to do that," Gilbert smirked. You smiled shyly at him.

"Thank you…"

"No problem… well," Gilbert yawned, "Gutenacht."

"Goodnight," you said, heading back to your cot and laying down.

It didn't take long for you to fall asleep.

* * *

"N… no… stop… stay away…"

Gilbert got up from his bed, suddenly hearing sounds from the living room. It's been two weeks since he and _ checked out from the hospital and she had been living with him. So far, her physical scars had been healing quite nicely… the emotional and mental scars sadly would take much longer to heal. Gilbert walked out into the dark living room, seeing _ in a troubled sleep on the couch.

"Stop… sorry… so sorry… don't hurt me…" she muttered in her sleep. The poor thing was having another nightmare. Gilbert walked over to her and carefully brought her up to her feet. Her head hung low, Gilbert walked her back into his bedroom with him, carefully laying her back down on his bed. She shed a single tear in her sleep, terribly afraid and begging for mercy. Gilbert laid down beside her, pulling the blankets and comforters over the two of them. His hand lifted up to stroke her head as he began to sing softly.

_"Schlaf' ein, schlaf' ein, schlaf' ein…_

_Du gahnst schon, komm kuschel dich ein,_

_Ich sing' dir noch ein Lied,_

_Ich freu' mich so, dass es dich gibt. _

_Ich winch' dir eine gute Nacht,_

_Wir seh'n uns wenn wieder die Sonne lacht._

_Schlaf' ein, schlaf' ein, schlaf' ein,_

_Wir lieben dich schlaf jetzt ein._

_Wir lieben dich schlaf jetzt ein…"_

He continued to sing until she had finally calmed down. He gave her a small kiss on the forehead before finally drifting back to sleep, still keeping an arm around her.

…You slept better than you had in years.


	2. Chapter 2

As you awaken from your first good night's sleep in years, you notice that the couch that was your bed was… oddly more comfortable than it was last night. Not only that, but there was something warm draped over you. It felt… nice. You smile a bit as you open your eyes, the sound of birds reaching your ears. You're surprised to find that you weren't on the couch, but rather in your friend Gilbert's bed. Not only that but Gilbert was sleeping right next to you, and his arm was the warm thing over you. Your eyes widen and your face turns beet red as you emit tiny squeaks and sink under the covers, trying to make yourself appear as small as possible.

You had been living with Gilbert for about two weeks now. Four weeks ago, he had discovered your abuse at the hands of your adoptive parents, and in an attempt to fight your father wound up in the hospital. You had also gone there to have you wounds treated, and since you had nowhere else to go, Gilbert was kind enough to allow you to stay with him when you two were released from the hospital two weeks later. While your physical wounds had been healing over the time you spent with him, your emotional and psychological wounds would take longer. While you had been spending nights on the couch in the living room, you weren't sure how or why you were suddenly in Gilbert's bed.

Your squeaks awaken Gilbert as his eyes blink open. His red eyes looked down at you as your own eyes turned away from him. He smiled down at you. "Good morning, frau,"

"H… hello…" you squeak, still not sure what to make of all of this.

"Yeah, you were having another nightmare, so I brought you in here," Gilbert explained, "How are you feeling?"

"I-I'm alright… t-thank you," you say nervously. Even though you two had been living together for the past two weeks, you still felt nervous talking to him.

"No problem, _," Gilbert said as his hand lightly tussled your bedhead, "Well, get up! There's some friends coming over that I'd like you to meet!"

"O-Okay!" you nervously get out of the bed.

* * *

"Hola, Señor!" A voice came from the front door.

"Ah! Antonio! Francis!" Gilbert greeted his two friends, "Good to see you two again! I'd like you to meet someone." You meekly approach them, standing next to Gilbert who puts an arm around you. "Francis, Antonio, this is _."

"Why hello there," Antonio greets you, "So you're the friend that's been living with Gilbert?"

"Y-Yeah…" you reply nervously, trying your best not to make eye contact with them.

"Ohohohohon~" Francis laughed, "A shy one, I see? How cute~"

Instinctively, you hide behind Gilbert, your face turning red in embarrassment and your hand clutching his shirt. Gilbert merely chuckled at you.

"There's no need to hide, _," he says comfortingly.

Slowly you show yourself. Your face was still rather red as you let go of Gilbert's shirt and looked at his two friends.

"Bonjour, Mademoiselle," Francis greeted you as he kissed your hand. Your cheeks turn a bright pink, "I'm happy to make your acquaintance."

The thought of meeting these two scared you… but if Gilbert was happy, then you'd manage it.

* * *

"So you've been living here for about two weeks now?" Spain asked.

"Um, yes…" you replied quietly.

You and Gilbert's friends had been talking with one another for most of the day. Although really nervous at first, you have slowly gotten comfortable talking to them. You still were rather quiet, especially compared to Prussia.

"So, _," Francis says, "You'll be here for the party, right?"

"P-Party?"

"Oh, I probably should've mentioned," Gilbert explained, "I'm having a bit of a party for a friend in a few days."

"W-What kind?"

"21st birthday," he explained, "You don't mind alcohol, do you?"

"Not really," you reply nervously, "I probably won't drink any, though…"

"Good!"

"Um… okay…" you look down at your lap.

"Something wrong, chica?" Antonio asks.

"It's just… I'm not really used to large parties. I don't like being around so many people…

"Oh, don't worry, _," Gilbert assures you, "There's not going to be that many people there – just a few friends! If you ever feel uncomfortable, then you're free to step out for a while."

"Um, okay…" you say, "Thanks, Gilbert."

* * *

Sadly, a few friends turned out to be half your entire class. The house was filled with drunken guests, and none of it made you feel comfortable being there. You tried your best to avoid people's questions as to why you were living with Gilbert, as most of them were uncomfortable or extremely inappropriate. As the night went by and the guests got wilder, you feel your urge to run away kick in as you finally find a way out of the house.

"G-Gilbert?" you speak to your house-mate.

"Yeah?" he says, his voice slightly slurred.

"I-I'm going to step outside for a while, if that's alright!" you say with a nervous smile.

"Gotcha," he says, "Take as long as you need!"

With that, you slip out of the house and make a mad run.

You ran away from the party as far as you could go. You stop once you run out of breath and collapse to your knees. You lean against a nearby tree for support as you gasp for breath. You just couldn't stand being around so many people like that. You just HAD to get out of there. Finally, you're as far as you could go, and the house was just a small yellow dot on the horizon behind you. You weren't usually bold, but you were fast when you needed to be. You sit by the tree as you try to calm your nerves, feeling Goosebumps on your arms from the chilly night air.

As you calm down, you look up into the branches of the tree you were sitting under. It was a large maple tree, its leaves all green and healthy and the bark brown and strong. A few open spaces between the branches and leaves let in a few spots of moonlight that shifted as the wind blew the branches. However, what catches your eye most was two dots up high in the tree – one yellow and one white. The two dots move, spreading their wings and flapping them as they made their way down to you, revealing they were two small, round birds.

"Hello there," you greet them with a smile. You always did better with animals than you did people. The birds land in your lap and cheap up at you in a reply. You couldn't help but giggle. "Who would you be?"

"Cheep-Cheep-Cheep!" the yellow bird replied.

"Cheep-Cheep-Cheep!" the white bird replied.

You didn't know what they were saying, but assumed they were trying to tell you their names. "I'm sorry, I don't speak bird," you chuckle, "But I wish I did…" You gently pet the two birds that seem to nuzzle into your hand at your touch. They seemed to like you. "I really wish I was a bird, too…" you say to yourself, "Then I could fly away from here like you two can…" The birds seem to look at you with a sad look in their eyes. "Oh, you have no idea what kind of life I've been through… I…"

"Hey there, dollface."

A voice suddenly makes you freeze as you look up in front of you, seeing an older man looming right over you. The darkness made it a bit hard to see them as they were mostly covered in shadow and appeared to be wearing a mask of some sort… but you could easily identify the smell of whiskey. The birds also look up at the shadow and shiver in fear.

"Um… may I help you?" you meekly ask the man.

"Sure, you can help…" the man slurred as he leaned in closer, "Take those clothes off for me."

"Um… I beg your pardon?" Your eyes widen in fear. "AUGH!" you feel a harsh slap to the face.

"You heard me, slut!" The man holds you down with one meaty hand on your throat. The two birds that were on your lap were now flapping their wings frantically in the air beside you. You feel the man put a hand over your mouth to shut you up. You can taste a bit of alcohol on his skin as you struggle in his grasp, trying to fight him off of you.

"HOLD STILL, DAMNIT!" the man pinned you down beneath him, punching you across the face, "You stupid whore!" You fell one of his large hands go to your skirt.

"W-What are you doing!?" you cried, "Stop!"

The two birds you met fly off in the direction of Gilbert's house.

"Shut up!" the man punched you again, leaving behind a large bruise on your cheek. You feel tears coming down your face. The man struggles to get the skirt off of you as you kick your legs, trying to fight, but to no avail. You feel him do the same to your panties, pulling them down to your knees.

"W-Wha- AAHH!" You scream in pain as you feel him force two fingers inside your opening. Your insides stretch, feeling him bring them in and out. "Augh! S-Stop! Wha-Why are you d- OW!"

"Come on, you stupid whore!" the man snarls, "You know you want this!"

"N-No, I – AAHH!" you shriek more in pain as he plunges the two sausage-like fingers further inside. He continues to assult you with his fingers for a few minutes until he got bored and took them out finally. You notice a bit of blood on his fingertips, and for a second your heart-beat stops at the sight of it. You breath heavily as you pray that your torture was over, but you see him start to undo his pants and your hope fades. "W… Why?... Why are you doing this to me?" you wept.

"Oh come on, dollface!" the man drunkenly sneers, "You know you want it!" He pulls down his trousers, revealing an erect penis. You gasp in freight at the sight of it… which you find is a mistake as he shoves the cock into your mouth. "GAUGH!" you choke.

"Come on, suck on it!" the man grabs you by the hair, "Take it you whore! Take it!"

You try to shove him off of you, but he only plunges his appendage down your throat more, nearly making you puke. Eventually the man realizes you weren't going to suck on the cock and pulled it out of your mouth after what felt like an eternity trying. You cough up a bit of a storm as you regain yourself.

"Well, looks like I'm going in!" The man positions his cock in front of your pussy.

You gasp. "N-No! Don't, pleas-"

Your pleas were in vain, as you feel your body erupt in pain as he shoves his cock inside you.

"AAAAUUGH!"

You keep screaming up a storm, which he quickly muffles with his hand as he continues to pound in and out of you. You kept praying that he would stop or someone would find you, but you knew everyone else was still at the party. All you could do was try to fight off the assaulter that's violating you. However, as time goes by and still no one helps you as you're raped, you begin to feel yourself give up. It was as if the more you fought the worse it got. It was like this was some sort of punishment for something you did… but what would you have done that deserved to be punished?

Eventually as he sees you go limp, your attacker finally pulls out of you, ejaculating on the ground just between your legs. He gets back up and cleans himself off, pulling his pants back up. "Thanks for that, whore," the man says as he walks away. For a while, all you could do was stay still, feeling tears go down your face. You were in intense pain, and you couldn't stop crying. You curl up in the roots of the tree, hoping in shame that the cold would freeze you.

You hear someone call out your name as you black out.

* * *

"_!" Gilbert ran over to the girl's unconscious body. His eyes widen in horror as he looks at her. Her hair was a mess, tears stained her face, her panties and skirt were pulled down to her knees and ankles, and there's a white patch beside her. Prussia easily put two and two together.

"Gilbert!" he heard the voice of his friend Antonio call out to him, "What happened…" Antonio's voice trails off as he surveys the scene. "G… Gilbert, senor, I…" before he could talk to him, he watches Gilbert run off ahead. "Gilbert! Where are you going!?"

"What's going on here!?" Francis asked, Pierre and Gilbird on either of his shoulders, "Where's Gilbert going!?"

"I think I know…" Antonio motions towards _, hearing Francis gasp at the sight of the scene.

"Oh mon dieu…!"

"Francis, get her back to the house and call the police!" Antonio said, "I'm going after Gilbert!"

"Alright…"

Antonio ran ahead to find Gilbert. Francis carefully redressed the unconscious _, picking her up in his arms and running her back to the house. Most of the guests had already left the party, and the remaining few were passed out in various spots around the house. Thankfully, no one was in Gilbert's bedroom, so Francis laid _ on the bed before going to find a phone and calling 911.

"Ello! I need the police and hospital! ... A friend of mine was raped! … Her name is _ _... No, she's asleep right now… No, I don't know who, but another friend of mine went looking for them… Gilbert Beildshmidt… he went north… 514 North 8th street… okay… thank you."

"F… Francis?" Francis heard a squeaking voice. He turned around, seeing _ behind him, shaking and in tears. Immediately, he ran over and embraced her.

"It's going to be okay, _," he assured the terrified girl, "The police will be here soon…"

"W… Where's Gilbert?"


	3. Chapter 3

It didn't take long for the police to arrive.

As the loud sirens fill the area and the blinking lights erupt through the windows, you can already hear the passed-out party goers begin to stir. Needless to say they were all confused as to why the police were suddenly there, and a few were even starting to panic, begging the first police officer that came in not to arrest him. Once the situation was cleared, everyone was brought home and you were taken to a hospital. The doctor treated your wounds and made sure you wouldn't become pregnant, and the policeman talked to you about what had happened. Francis brought you back to Gilbert's house once it was all over.

A few party-goers were arrested and charged for underage drinking, and the police said they'd like a talk with Gilbert for providing the alcohol… but the rapist was never found.

You sit alone in the empty house, once so loud and lively with guests, and now dark and empty save for you and the yellow bird you met, who you learned was Gilbert's bird, Gilbird. You had no idea where Gilbert was. You had cleaned up the house waiting for him to get back home, but grow increasingly worried with each passing minute. A mix of emotions well up in your heart – shame, guilt, fear, worry, fear… you wondered what your adoptive parents would be saying to you right now…

You're surprised to hear the door suddenly open. It was nearly 2 in the morning when you looked, seeing Antonio carrying an unconscious, bruised, bloodied, and battered Gilbert on his shoulder. Immediately you run over.

"W-What happened to him!?" you gasp.

"He… went after the guy…" Antonio heaved, "…found him… walking back… like this…"

"Oh dear… C-c-come in! Hurry!"

You help Antonio bring Gilbert into the house and lay him on the couch. Once he's down, you make a run for the bathroom and emerge with some bandages which you use to treat Gilbert's wounds. Gilbird kept beside you the entire time.

"D… _?" Antonio spoke, "What we saw back there… did you really…"

"… y…" you try answering, but you only emit a high pitched squeak.

"Oh… dos moi…" Antonio hugged you, making you yelp and freeze in his embrace. He quickly pulls back apologetically, seeing you frightened. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, senorita… how are you feeling?"

"I… f-fine…" you look down at the floor. You lied when you said you were fine, knowing that Antonio could see through it, but you just didn't know how else to answer.

"I'll be heading home… call me if something comes up."

"Okay…"

You simply look at Gilbert's unconscious form as Antonio leaves. You remain by Gilbert's side on your knees, your hands clasped together as you whispered all of the prayers you knew by heart, hoping that Gilbert would be okay until you fall asleep on the carpeted floor.

* * *

_"SINFUL GIRL!"_

_ You feel a harsh lash in your back. On your hands and knees, you look back up, seeing your parents furious stares. The light behind them was harsh and blinding, sending fear down your spine._

_ "M-Mother! Father!" you try to speak to them, "I- AUGH!"_

_ You feel your back opening, sending pain through your body._

_ "Silence! You have committed a horrid sin, devil child! You must be cleansed!" you hear Karen's harsh voice. You feel a splash of water on your back, stinging the wound._

_ "I… I didn't do anything, I…" you weep._

_ "Your body is polluted with the crime of adultery!" Charles's voice booms, "MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR SOUL!"_

_ "I-I didn't mean it! I swear!" you cry, "P-Please, forgive me!"_

_ A booming laughter erupts from the earth as the ground under you splits open, making you fall into the crack. You land with a thud in a pit. As you try getting up, you start to see the pit being filled with hot coals. The coals hit you and burn into your skin. You try to fight tears as every fiber in your being feels like it's on fire. "HELP ME!... PLEASE, SOMEONE HELP ME!" You call for anyone who would come and save you. However, you only hear your adoptive parents' cursing you, leaving you to your fate… _

* * *

You let out a loud gasp as you awaken on the living room couch in the middle of the night. You're in a cold sweat and you had been crying in your sleep. You clung to the sheets covering you, feeling yourself break down to tears.

It's been three weeks since the incident at the party, and since then your improving condition has taken a turn for the worse. You've been getting nightmares like that every few nights, your adoptive parents' harsh, cruel words and ideals beaten into your head. The knowledge they'd surely blame you for what had happened to you made you feel even more ashamed. The thought that it really WAS your entire fault nagged at you each day. Needless to say you'd been losing sleep over the whole thing, and you weren't sure how much more you could take.

Gilbert had been noticing how your condition was slipping, and had tried all he could to help… but he didn't seem to understand the full magnitude of how far you've gone. You couldn't take anymore. You pretty much knew that you were damned to hell, your heart heavy, your soul soiled, and your chances at paradise shattered, and it wasn't even your fault. Gilbert had even suffered for what had happened. How many more times would you make him take on your terrors? How many more times would you let him get beaten and battered? All you were to him was a burden…

You get up from the couch and make your way to the kitchen. You knew were all of the things in Gilbert's kitchen were… and you knew exactly where the knife drawer was.

You reach in and pick out a large carving knife. Its handle fit perfectly in your hand, the soft plastic feeling so smooth against your skin. In the dim moonlight, you could see the metal of the blade glowing brightly, as if by magic. You take one finger and stroke the flat edge of the blade, the metal feeling cold as ice. You poke the top a bit, taking care not to pierce the skin. It would be sharp enough. You take in a few deep breaths as you position the tip of the blade just an inch away from your chest, just about where your heart was. You gulp in a bit of air as your breath quickens.

"God have mercy on me…" you whisper, closing your eyes tightly. All it would take was one swift movement, a movement to pull the blade into your chest, past your ribs and through your heart. It would hurt, but it'd be fittingly so. Then between the shock, pain, and loss of blood, you'd fall to the floor, and gently drift to sleep in the arms of death. True, suicide was a sin, but you figured you were already damned to hell, so this wouldn't do much to add to that. All you were was a burden now in body… tears begin to stream down your face.

"Goodbye…"

"_!"

Through your closed eyes, you didn't even notice the lights in the kitchen suddenly turn on. You didn't even hear Gilbert walk in or notice him seeing you with the knife at your chest. Before you could even think, you feel him suddenly run over to you and wrestle the knife out of your hands. Your eyes open, at first blinded by the sudden light, before finally seeing a panicked Gilbert trying to fight the knife out of your hands. Eventually, you feel the knife fly out of your hands, hearing the clang as it falls to the floor, sliding into a wall behind you. You're on your knees with Gilbert kneeling beside you.

"_!" Gilbert yells, fear in his eyes, "What ze hell are you thinking!?"

"G-Gil-"

Before you can speak, you feel him wrap his arms around you. "Mein Gott, _... you scared the hell out of me! Why ze hell did you think this was a good idea!?"

"I…" you froze in fear, finding yourself unable to speak.

"_, please, answer me!" Gilbert shakes you a bit, "Answer me!"

"I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean it, father!" You turn away from Gilbert, your eyes forming tears. Almost the instant you say the word "father," you feel him let go of you, letting you turn your back to him, trying your best not to cry. Gilbert looked on in shock and disgust at himself, his red eyes wide and his expression that of a man who just stepped on a mine.

"_-_... I-I didn't mean to scare you," he speaks, scotching closer to you and placing his hands on your shoulders gently, "Mein Frau, please don't cry…"

"G… Gilbert…" you turn back to him, seeing the worried expression on his face, "I just… I don't know how much longer I can take this…"

"Take what?..."

"… Being a burden…"

"W-What?"

You stand up from the floor hugging yourself. As you walk away, you hear Gilbert's footsteps following you. You sit down on the couch you were laying on with Gilbert next to you. "Being a burden. That's all I am – just a needless weight on other people's shoulders. That's all I've ever been and that's all I ever will be. I try to be someone who can help, but… all the time I find my insecurities getting the better of me. I can't even say my name without getting scared most of the time. I can't talk to people and I always get scared at every little thing. I'm a coward!"

"_..."

"And it's more than just that. When I'm not getting myself in trouble, I'm getting people I care about in trouble. I mean look at you! Already twice you've thrown yourself in danger because of me – once with my step-parents and the second with the rapist. If this continues, there's only a matter of time before I might even get you KILLED. I'm just a person who's asking for trouble like my parents said! And now that I let that man violate me, I'm a sinful soul who's damned to burn in hell!"

"… Were you looking to be raped?" Gilbert suddenly asks.

"N… no," you answer, fidgeting your hands.

"Then what happened back then wasn't your fault!" Gilbert sits beside you, bringing an arm around you, "What makes you think what happened back there was your fault?"

"I… I don't know… m-my step-parents always said that if I had sex before marriage I'd go to hell for committing the sin of lust…"

"Well your step-parents are full of shit!" Gilbert states, "Sex and Rape are two different things. If it was non-consensual and it seriously hurt you, why should you be punished for it? That's just a load of bullshit on a platter! What happened wasn't your fault, so don't blame yourself! And as for your insecurities, it doesn't make you a burden. Yes, you can't even talk to someone without dissolving into nervous mumbles, but really I honestly think that's cute! I really do! And even then, that'll get better over time, I'm certain, and if you ever need help with it you shouldn't feel afraid to ask! There's nothing wrong with asking someone for help – in fact it's perfectly fine!"

"It… it is?"

"Cross my heart and hope to die, _... and don't worry about me getting hurt for you. Those guys deserved everything they got for hurting you… and frankly, if I ever do get killed protecting you, then I'd be fine with that because I'd still be protecting someone I deeply care about… with all of my heart."

"Y… You really mean that?..." tears began to well up in your eyes.

"All of it… _... Ich Liebe Dich…"

Your eyes grow wide as you look at him. You didn't know much German, but you did know what those words meant. Your body trembles, your heart racing, and your vision blurred by tears. In one burst of emotion, you throw your arms around Gilbert and burst into tears, crying into his black tank-top. You feel him gently wrap his arms around you, holding you close and reassuringly rubbing your back. "It's okay, _... I'm here for you… shhhhhh…." He lays back on the couch, letting you lay on top of him. His hand gently pets your head as he keeps an arm around you as you curled up in his embrace, hugging him like he were a teddy-bear. His gentle breathing and heart beat calmed you down as your sobs slowed down, tears gently rolling down your cheeks. You hear him begin to sing to you again…

_"Guten Abend, gute Nacht,_

_ mit Rosen bedacht,_

_ mit Näglein besteckt,_

_ schlupf′ unter die Deck!_

_ Morgen früh, wenn Gott will,_

_ wirst du wieder geweckt._

_Morgen früh, wenn Gott will,_

_ wirst du wieder geweckt."_

As he gently sang to you, you feel him lay a large quilt over the two of you. You gently begin to stop crying, your breathing calming as you emit a small yawn, feeling the fatigue begin to take over you. Gilbert's voice softly singing his lullaby to you warmed your heart, feeling yourself relaxing in his embrace.

_"Guten Abend, gute Nacht,_

_ von Englein bewacht,_

_ die zeigen im Traum_

_ dir Christkindleins Baum._

_ Schlaf nun selig und süß,_

_ schau im Traum ′s Paradies._

_Schlaf nun selig und süß,_

_ schau im Traum ′s Paradies."_

You feel yourself let go of a small smile for the first time in weeks. For the first time in so long you didn't feel afraid. You felt calm… safe… With Gilbert's voice soothing you, his quilt draped over your tired body and his chest and body being your pillow and bed, you drift to sleep in his arms. Gilbert smiled down at you, gently giving you a kiss on the forehead and still gently petting your head and holding you close to him.

"Gute Nacht, meine Liebe," he whispered to you before falling asleep himself, "Träumen gute Träume für mich…"

* * *

You emit a small sigh as you awaken the following morning. You hear the birds outside singing their good mornings. You still feel the warmth of someone's arms around you, the sound of their breathing and beating heart. Slowly, you let your eyelids open. The morning light was just entering the living room, the sun rising in the distance and giving everything a golden color. It was still rather early in the morning. You look back a bit, noticing the quilt still draped over you as well as Gilbert's arm. His other hand that was on your head slides off as you move and dangles off the side of the couch. You look back up, seeing Gilbert still fast asleep, his expression calm with a smile on his face and emitting a bit of a snore with each breath. You initially blush a bit at the thought of waking up by his side again a second time, but you slowly calm down, letting go of another smile and looking back up to him. You slowly lay your head back down on his chest and close your eyes, nuzzling it a bit. Gilbert's body responds, bringing the hanging arm back up and over you, hugging you close to him as he continued to snore away.

"Thank you, Gilbert," you whisper, drifting back to sleep, "Thank you so much for being there for me… I love you…"


End file.
